Saturday, February 18, 2017


It has officially been one year and one month since I've written here, in public. My journal is literally ripping at the seams with the weight of the questions and the cursing. (ripping=literal | weight=not). But not here, where my thoughts should have endings.

I know God's not afraid of my questions.
Forgive my bluntness, everyone who's told me this, but.. obviously.
I can't even think of a reason why He might be.

I am afraid of my questions. They make me messy. They make me unpackaged.
So I've been quiet. Mostly.

But, today. Today, I choose to believe I'm not the only one who's confused and scared about what God is really like. And please tell me I'm not the only one who's tired of having Him explained to me.

God is OUT. OF. CONTROL. That's what makes Him God.

We want to understand God so that we can be over Him and complain when He's out of line.

But nature doesn't have soft edges.

He is wild.

“The greatest obstacle to realizing our dreams is the false self’s hatred of mystery. Mystery is essential to adventure. Mystery is at the heart of the universe and the God who made it.” (John Eldredge)

(Yes, even at Kohl's)

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